Embracing the Storm: Neurodiversity and the Art of Surviving Change.
Recently, I decided to quit my job. It was the culmination of enduring a work environment made toxic by a narcissistic boss, and although I had another job lined up and planned to resign in a couple of weeks, I spontaneously resigned early due to another “incident”. As I walked out of the office for the last time, I felt a cocktail of emotions: relief, empowerment, uncertainty, and a daunting sense of what lay ahead.
Such seismic shifts, while challenging for anyone, can be particularly complex for those of us who are neurodiverse. Our reactions to these life-altering events can range widely. Some of us find ourselves trapped in a paralysis of overwhelming emotions, unable to move forward. Others might lash out, their stress and frustration spilling over and impacting those around them. And then there are moments when we make hasty, life-altering decisions without fully weighing the consequences, propelled by the need to escape our current situation. It’s fair to say that it took me more than a week to process my emotions, and the facets of my personality that had lived in fear for the last 18 months again began to shine.
A piece of wisdom has always resonated with me: “It’s okay to have a meltdown; just don’t unpack and live there.” This saying is particularly relevant to neurodiverse individuals experiencing significant life changes. It acknowledges that facing intense emotions and challenges is a natural part of the process. It’s perfectly acceptable, and sometimes necessary, to take time for self-care and to experience and validate these emotions. However, the saying also suggests the importance of not becoming permanently entrenched in these difficult feelings. It encourages moving forward after allowing oneself the necessary time and space to process and cope, emphasising resilience and the ability to recover and grow from challenging experiences.
- The Impact of Change on Neurodiverse Individuals
Throughout my life, I’ve navigated through a myriad of significant transitions: changing schools several times, moving across states, adjusting to a blended family, undergoing multiple career shifts, stepping into motherhood, going through a divorce, transitioning away from a long-standing friend group, and even discovering my ADHD diagnosis. Each of these experiences, while unique, shares a common thread — they were monumental changes that required not just physical and emotional adjustment, but a cognitive and psychological one, especially for someone neurodiverse like me.
Neurodiverse individuals, such as those with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and other neurological variations, can experience significant challenges when adapting to life changes, both major and minor. This difficulty extends to various aspects of life, including personal relationships, educational settings, workplace environments, and daily routines.
Research highlighted in BMC Psychiatry reveals that individuals with ADHD face considerable challenges during transitions. These challenges are exacerbated by the ADHD characteristics of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, making transitions more complex and demanding. The lack of successful transition can lead to poor outcomes across multiple domains, including employment, education, relationships, and overall health. Additionally, neurodiverse individuals may experience sensitivities to sensory stimuli, such as lights or noises, difficulties with self-regulation, delays in verbal processing, or challenges in interpreting social situations. These factors can significantly impact their ability to adapt to new environments or changes in their lives.
2. Common Reactions to Change
Change, no matter its nature, often stirs a whirlpool of emotions and behaviours. Common reactions include defensiveness, blaming others, and withdrawal. These responses are not just mere emotional outbursts but rather deeply ingrained patterns that can significantly impact how we cope with transitions.
For instance, I often become highly irritable and overwhelmed during stressful times. It’s a reaction that can seem almost reflexive, a defensive mechanism against the uncertainties and pressures change brings. This irritability, I’ve noticed, isn’t unique to me; it’s a common thread in many who face similar situations. However, recognising this pattern has been crucial in managing it. I’ve learned that taking time for myself, perhaps retreating into my own space for a nap, acts as a reset button. This brief respite allows me to step back from the immediacy of the stressors and return with a clearer, calmer perspective.
Developing an introspective approach to managing change-related stress is not just about self-care; it’s also about acknowledging and addressing the underlying emotional responses to change. It’s a lesson in understanding that while our initial reactions might be instinctive, our subsequent handling of them can be mindful and constructive.
3: The Downward Spiral — Overwhelm and Depression
When life throws a big change at us, we may get caught in a challenging downward spiral. When we fail to process these changes adequately, the overwhelming emotions and stress can lead to a state of paralysis or even depression. There’s a fine line between using strategies like rest or naps for restoration and falling into patterns indicative of deeper issues, such as lethargy and oversleeping.
There have been times in my life where, initially, taking naps served as a much-needed break from stress, but I noticed a shift over time. The brief naps turned into prolonged periods of sleep, and what was once restorative became a sign of lethargy and escapism, a hallmark of depression setting in. This experience was a stark reminder that while certain strategies can help manage immediate stress, they can also mask deeper, unaddressed issues if overused or used inappropriately. It highlights the importance of being vigilant and self-aware, especially during times of significant change.
4: Reactive Decision Making
Amid stress and upheaval, it’s not uncommon to find ourselves making spontaneous, often impulsive decisions. This reactive decision-making is a way to exert control in times of uncertainty or to seek immediate relief from discomfort. However, these decisions aren’t always in our best interest in the long run.
A personal example of this was during the period of my separation from my marriage. Confronted with the stress and emotional turmoil of this significant life change, I found myself resorting to smoking cigarettes, a habit I had previously overcome. This decision wasn’t a considered response to the situation but a reactive one, seeking a familiar but unhealthy way to cope with the intense emotions and stress I was experiencing. It serves as a reminder of how important it is to develop healthy coping mechanisms and be mindful of our reactions during times of change.
5: The Cost of Not Reflecting and Growing
One of the most significant aspects of navigating change is the opportunity it presents for self-reflection and growth. Ignoring this opportunity can lead to a stagnation of personal development and missed chances for improvement.
There was a time when I was transitioning away from a long-standing friend group. Initially, I viewed this change solely as a loss, focusing on the void it created in my social life. However, in failing to reflect on the reasons behind this transition and what it could teach me, I missed a crucial opportunity for growth. It wasn’t until later that I realised this change was a chance to understand my needs and values better and cultivate relationships that aligned more with who I was becoming. This experience taught me the value of using life’s changes as catalysts for self-examination and personal evolution.
6: Moving Forward — Acceptance and Adaptation
Breaking the cycle of negative responses to change is crucial in moving forward. Acceptance and adaptation are the keys to this transformation.
After quitting my job, I embraced the first step of the eight-step Embracing Change program I had been developing — Self-Assessment. This introspective journey led to a surprising discovery: I am inherently adaptable and resilient. This realisation was a turning point; I could see how I had picked up the pieces many times in my life and got on with the job of living.
This example highlights the importance of self-awareness in dealing with change. Understanding our inherent strengths and capabilities can significantly alter our approach to life’s transitions, paving the way for acceptance and positive adaptation. By embracing the change, we equip ourselves with the tools to survive change and thrive in it.
In our journey through life, change is inevitable. How we handle these changes can profoundly impact our personal and professional growth. Embracing change positively, especially with the help of frameworks like my 8-step program, can transform challenges into opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Every change brings a chance to learn, adapt, and become stronger. Let’s view each transition not just as a hurdle to overcome, but as a step towards becoming our best selves. In the oil painting that is life, each stroke of change adds colour and depth, creating a richer, more vibrant picture. So, let’s welcome change with open arms and a hopeful heart, ready to grow and flourish with every new experience.
Are you ready to navigate life’s changes with confidence and resilience? Download my free e-guide, “5 Things You Must Know About Facing Big Life Changes as a Neurodiverse Individual.” This guide is packed with insights and strategies tailored specifically for neurodiverse individuals facing significant transitions. Whether you’re adapting to a new career, personal life changes, or exploring your neurodiversity, this e-guide is your companion for a smoother and more empowered journey. Click here for your free copy today and take the first step towards mastering life’s changes with grace and strength.
