Why is it so difficult to ask for help? And why do we persist in tying our brains into knots when we could just reach out and ask someone for a hand?
For some, asking for help makes them feel like they could be seen as weak or less than independent. If you’re a perfectionist, perhaps you think you are less than perfect; I’ll let you in on a secret; if you look around, what you might see is that the people who are asking for help are the strong ones. The strong ones recognize that we all have needs, and to help and be helped is a powerful way to grow a connection. There’s an old saying, “a problem shared is a problem halved”. I’m not asking you to lump your problems onto someone else, but I am asking you to think about something you’re having trouble with, procrastinating on, or avoiding and I want you to reach out to someone and ask for a bit of help.
When asking for help it is important to be specific so the person you’re asking knows exactly what they have to do to help. This is why truly understanding your needs is one of the biggest steps of self-awareness. I want you to write down exactly what you need in your situation. You need to have a clear understanding of whether you’re asking someone to do a task for you, or with you. Either of those is fine, but it needs to be clearly communicated. Asking for help is an important tool in our authenticity toolkit; because we need to be courageous to ask, and vulnerable to the answer.
Now we’re going to talk about how to do it.
- You need to be concise and specific. So as we talked about earlier, it’s important your person understands exactly what you’re asking them to do and whether they’re doing this task for you or with you.
- Don’t apologize and don’t minimize. Don’t say “I’m sorry to ask”, and don’t ask someone to do you a favour. If you frame your need for help as a burden and framed it negatively, it will be taken as such.
- Make it personal and not transactional. Try to ask for help face to face. If possible, explain to the person why it’s their help that you need, not just any old person.
- Follow up with results. Not only is it important to thank the person who’s helped you, but it’s important to share with them the bigger picture of how their help contributed on a larger scale.
And there you have it! An understanding of why asking for help is important in your journey to your authentic self, and some simple steps to do it. We start out by defining our needs, deciding if we need someone to provide help for us, or with us, specifically communicating without making it sound like a burden, and finally letting the person who helped you see how their contribution fits on a larger scale. Now that you know this, making yourself vulnerable and asking for help should be easier. Courage and vulnerability are like muscle — the more you work it, the stronger it becomes.
Want to know more about how to discover your true self, beyond the layers of what others expect you to be at home, at work, and socially? Join my Authentic Self — The personal revolution Facebook group here — share with a positive and supportive community how you went with asking for help.
Learn more about Caroline Jones, Life-Coach and founder of Ninth Koi Coaching
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