Hello, dear readers! Today, I want to discuss a topic that resonates deeply with many of us, especially those who identify as neurodivergent. Decision-making. For some, it is enough to cause us to run screaming back to bed and under the doona. Whether it’s choosing a job, deciding on a place to live, or even making smaller day-to-day choices, the process can be, at best, daunting and, at worst, debilitating. But fear not! I have a lifetime of practice in poor decision-making, and since my ADHD diagnosis last year, I have put effort into understanding my brain. I’m here to share some insights and tools that have helped me make decisions, big and small.
Exploring Various Decision-Making Methods
Firstly, do you use a tool to help you make decisions? There’s a plethora to choose from, each suited to different types of decisions. Here’s a rundown:
- A Coin Toss: Simple, but leaves it up to fate! Using a coin toss is a great idea when deciding between pizza or burgers for dinner, but not so much when choosing between investing in stocks or buying a llama farm.
- A Dice Roll: Similar to a coin toss but with more options. Rolling a dice is perfect for deciding which movie to watch on a lazy Sunday, but it’s probably not the best method for choosing your next hairstyle — unless you’re feeling extraordinarily adventurous!
- Pros and Cons List: The classic way to visually weigh your options. A pros and cons list is ideal for deciding whether to buy that fancy new gadget, but maybe not so much for choosing your family’s next pet — unless you’re ready for an intense debate over the merits of a goldfish vs. a dragon.
- Eisenhower Matrix: Helps prioritise tasks by urgency and importance. The Eisenhower Matrix is a superb tool for organizing your work tasks, but it might just fall short when you try to categorize ‘urgent and important’ activities like choosing between Netflix, napping, or ninja training classes.
- SWOT Analysis: Analyzes strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. A SWOT analysis is fantastic for business strategies, but it might be overkill when you’re just trying to decide if wearing socks with sandals will boost your street cred or be a fashion faux pas.
- Blind Choice: Picking at random — sometimes our subconscious knows best. Blind choice is great for picking a random travel destination but probably not the best method for selecting your outfit for a job interview unless you’re aiming for a clown costume coordinator position!
- Analytic Hierarchy Process (AHP): A structured technique for complex decisions. Employing the Analytic Hierarchy Process is ideal for choosing the right investment portfolio, but it’s probably OTT for deciding which flavour of ice cream to indulge in — unless you’re ready to graph the deliciousness of chocolate versus vanilla!
- The Kepner-Tregoe Matrix: Focuses on rational problem-solving and decision-making. The Kepner-Tregoe Matrix can brilliantly untangle intricate project issues, but applying it to choose your next Netflix binge might just lead to an unexpected season of analysis paralysis!
- Consulting Others: Getting different perspectives can be enlightening. Asking for opinions can be helpful when picking a new phone, but it’s probably less useful when choosing your Halloween costume, unless you’re prepared for a committee decision on the merits of being a zombie accountant versus a vampire barista.
- Gut Instinct: Trusting your inner voice. Relying on gut instinct is perfect for choosing a new adventure novel, but maybe less so for assembling IKEA furniture, unless you’re a fan of the avant-garde, one-legged chair.
Often, it’s not the decision-making tool you’re using that’s the problem; it’s your state of mind as you enter the decision-making mindset. This is where I came up with the HEADS method. I’ve adapted this from a relationship communication model, but it works very well when it comes to analysing your state of mind before making a decision.
Below, are the red flags when it comes to decision-making. If any of these are lurking, you need to go and sort them out before you decide.
- Hungry: Avoid making decisions when you’re hungry. It can lead to irritability and impatience. We’ve all seen the Snickers ad; we know we can be like another person when we are hungry.
- Extreme Emotions: Strong emotions can cloud judgment. Aim for emotional neutrality. This is where the term “baseline” comes in handy. It’s your typical or average emotional state. It’s like a default setting for how a person generally feels when they are not influenced by particularly strong external stimuli or internal changes. This baseline can vary greatly from person to person. For some, their emotional baseline might be generally content and calm, while for others, it might be more anxious or melancholic.
- Alcohol or other brain-clouding substances: It impairs cognition and reasoning. It’s best to decide with a clear mind. Don’t be that person who decided after a few drinks to get a tattoo of a potato dressed as a superhero, only to wake up realizing they’re now permanently branded with ‘Captain Spud’ on their arm.
- Distracted: Distractions prevent considering all aspects of a decision. Focus is key. The range of distractions is endless, but if you have something else on your mind, it’s not the time to be making a decision.
- Sleepy: Tiredness affects your decision-making abilities. Rest up before deciding, or you’ll likely pick the easiest choice with your befuddled brain.
The 48-Hour Rule
Give yourself at least 48 hours to mull over your choice without telling anyone. This period allows you to sit with the decision privately and see how it feels.
Decision-Making and Neurodivergence
As someone who is neurodivergent, decision-making can take on unique challenges:
- Impulsivity: Sometimes, we might jump into decisions without fully thinking them through. Impulsive is my middle name — Caroline Impulsive Jones — most of the decisions I have made in my life have been on impulse, some examples include getting braces in my 20’s, starting university degrees, quitting jobs, buying pets, to ending relationships. Somehow, it’s all managed to work out ok, but I know that if I was less impulsive about my decisions, it would cause me and those around me a lot less stress.
- Decision Paralysis: The overwhelming flood of options and outcomes can leave us stuck. Not only does it leave us stuck, but it can cause us to either withdraw or lash out in irritation.
- Procrastination: The fear of making the wrong choice can lead to delayed decisions and lost opportunities. A lot of people don’t realise that procrastinating about a decision until it is too late is actually making a decision — you’ve just given control of the decision to someone else. This is something my partner suffers from regularly with his own business.
These experiences are common but don’t have to define our decision-making journey. Here’s how I have started to navigate these challenges:
1. Recognize Your Patterns: Understanding your decision-making tendencies is crucial. Are you impulsive? Do you get paralysed by too many options? Recognising these patterns is the first step towards managing them effectively.
2. Create a Structured Approach: For those of us who struggle with decision paralysis or impulsivity, having a structured approach can be a game-changer. Methods like the Eisenhower Matrix or the Kepner-Tregoe Matrix can provide a clear framework to assess our options systematically. For me, the Eisenhower matrix is an invaluable tool — I even wrote a blog about how you can use it to manage your time daily.
3. Set Time Limits: Procrastination often stems from the fear of making the ‘wrong’ decision. Setting a specific time to make the decision can help. Use the 48-hour rule, or adjust the timeframe to what feels comfortable for you.
4. Seek Support: Consulting with trusted friends, family, or professionals can provide new perspectives and alleviate the burden of decision-making. Remember, it’s okay to seek help!
5. Practice Mindfulness: Being present and mindful helps manage extreme emotions and distractions. Simple mindfulness exercises can ground you, making it easier to think clearly. Check out Russ Harris’s method to anchor yourself.
6. Embrace Your Neurodiversity: Our neurodivergent brains might work differently, but this can be a strength. Embrace your unique perspective and use it to your advantage in decision-making.
Whether you’re neurotypical or neurodivergent, decision-making is a skill that can be honed and improved. By understanding our tendencies, utilizing structured methods, and giving ourselves grace and time, we can make choices that align with our values and goals. Making decisions doesn’t have to be as stressful as our brains make it. Next time you’re facing a big decision, use some of the methods above; I’d love to hear how you go.
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