Authenticity is being able to, with certainty, answer these questions: “Who is the real me? Am I my true self? And, do I act like the person I really am?”
Often, the people who are most seeking these answers are either teenagers who are experimenting with finding their identity, or people who are in between life stories. For those people, there may have been some big upheavals in their lives in terms of career, family, or relationships. These are the types of experiences that lead people to question their authentic identity and wonder if they have been their true selves or a version of themselves that fit in nicely with other people’s expectations.
Doing research on authenticity I came across an interesting article that questioned the nature of authenticity. Relating authenticity to food, the article questioned whether authenticity means being unique, because if a dish is an authentic cuisine, then it fits into a defined set of characteristics. A great example of this was brought to mind by what my friend, Kat, used to say when I made spaghetti bolognaise. She said “Oh, my Nonna would turn in her grave! There’s no way that is spaghetti bolognaise. You Australians don’t know what you’re doing. It’s not authentic!” It started me thinking about whether being authentic means that we all need to be the same and have the same characteristics. I concluded in the middle of the night that we are much more like Jelly Bellys. These are incredible jellybeans with endless different flavours. Yes, we are all jellybeans, but what makes us unique is our flavour.
The ‘real’ definition of being authentic is acting in accordance with your idiosyncratic set of values and qualities within the social norms of your culture. Breaking that down; we are all unique and we all have unique sets of values. Our values come from the way we’ve been brought up, the culture we live in, our education, and our experiences. We are all somewhat limited by what is socially acceptable depending on the culture in which we live. Fortunately, these limits are expanding all the time and a lot of this is down to people being authentically themselves on an individual level. While we aren’t yet an all-inclusive society, we are much more accepting of a diverse range of people, and that comes from those diverse people being themselves.
Another aspect of being your authentic self is considering your actions in a consequence-free space. Who are you when no one is around? A while ago there was a meme doing the rounds about the test of a good person being if they return their shopping trolley to the bay. Whether or not this is the case it does create an example of your actions in a consequence-free zone. Another similar example would be examining whether you behave online the same way you behave in real life.
There have been surveys and experimental findings involving adults which indicate authenticity is associated with and increases the positive affect and life satisfaction. Being the real you has a positive impact on how you feel about yourself and also the goals and the relationships you have in your life. There are four components that determine the degree of authenticity someone has. The first one is an awareness that we all have good and bad aspects and acceptance of this. There might be areas we want to improve upon, but we are aware of our strengths and weaknesses as we stand now. The second one is having behaviour congruent with the true self. This means walking the talk; doing what you say you’re going to do and behaving in a way that supports your values. Finally, relational orientation is how we relate to others; how honest we are, our level of emotional vulnerability, and the information we give about ourselves which allows people to see who we are.
In summary, there are 5 aspects to authenticity:
- Being your own flavour — unique as a person
- Acting in line with your own unique set of values
- Being true to yourself in a consequence-free zone
- Having self-awareness
- Relating to others is a true and real way.
I hope this information has been valuable to you in understanding authenticity. I have a free Big 5 Challenge to help you expand your comfort zone and make positive improvements on your courage, vulnerability, and authenticity. I’m also happy to answer any other questions you might have about authenticity, and I’ve developed a form where you can ask these anonymously. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be filming some short videos for YouTube, and I’ll be answering these questions.
Want to know more about how to discover your true self, beyond the layers of what others expect you to be at home, at work, and socially? Join my Authentic Self — The personal revolution Facebook group here — share in a positive and supportive community.
Learn more about Caroline Jones, Life-Coach and founder of Ninth Koi Coaching
